I've Been Down In Here Before
by trencher189
Summary: In this story of addictions, lies and pain involving Marianas Trench, a love unfolds with a secret that could tear the band apart forever. Also, Josh Ramsay faces a grueling decision on whether or not to relive his past in a decision that could eventually cost him his life.
1. Chapter 1

Hey Guys! So It's my first fanfic, which means I'm kinda new to this so this will probably be really terrible, but I'd still appreciate it if you guys review and everything Oh and just to add, this first chapter is horrible but I don't have the time to re-write it and I really just want to get at least one chapter published, so yeah. Thanks xx

* * *

(Josh)  
I walk back to the hotel room that the band and I were sharing from the ice machine. When I get into the room, I see one big lump under the covers of the bed.

"What the hell is going on?" I yell, surprised.

Two heads poke out from under the covers, one is matt's and the other is a girl I don't recognise.

"Ahh, what the fuck Matt? Do you really expect me to sleep there tonight now? That's gross!"

"Ehh, sorry Josh… I-I"

"Forget about it. I'll be back later, get some clothes on and stop fucking around. We've got a show to play tonight."

And on that note, I walk out.

Ugh, Matt really bothers me sometimes. Like he doesn't realize that his fucking around in each town we play a tour in is bothering the whole band. If he keeps acting like such a man-whore eventually the fans are going to find out, and that'll reflect badly on all of us.

But I mean it's not like he's the only one with problems. I haven't told the band, but lately I've started purging again. It's just that I definitely can't be in the spotlight and look fat and this is the best way I know to do keep my weight down. But at least with that there's an reason. Like, what's Matt's excuse for acting like that all the time? I don't care how horny he is, he can deal with it another time. That may be one of the problems with being on the road, but he knew what he was getting into before he got into it, so it's his own fault if he can't handle it.


	2. Chapter 2

(Matt)  
Oh fuck. Did Josh really just have to walk in on me and…. Wait, what's her name again? Oh well, that's not the point.

"Maybe you should go…" I say awkwardly.

"Yeah, I'll do that… Bye Matt." She replies.

"Yeah bye… You"

Shit, why can't I remember her name?

She gets up, puts her clothes back on and leaves.

Ugh, why did josh have to walk in like that? Couldn't he at least have knocked? I know it's his room too and all but still.

See, that's the problem with being in a band, no privacy. Like why the fuck should they care about what I do with other girls? It's my own business.

But in a way, maybe I have been doing shit with different girls a little bit more than usual though. It's just, it's hard to deal with things sometimes, like the pressures of being in a band and all, and sex just… It just makes me feel good.

So after a few minutes, I get up and go to the bathroom to get cleaned up. Josh was right about the show later.

I look in the mirror and see that my brown hair is a big mess. Well, this won't do. So I pick out my outfit for the show and then jump in the shower.

* * *

When I get out of the bathroom, I see Mike and Ian going into the room.

"Hey guys, what's up?" I greeted them.

"Just coming back to get some gear packed. How was the shower?" Mike replied.

"Would you like all the details?" I ask jokingly, with a wink.

"Oh yes." Mike replies, as Ian rolls his eyes.

What would I do without our constant gay jokes.

"Anyways, where's Josh?" I say, worried that he might have mentioned something to the other guys.

"We thought he was with you, we haven't seen him since after we left the hotel this morning." Ian said.

Oh thank God.

"Oh, weird. He came by earlier to bring some ice in but he left and didn't say where he went." I told them.

"Okay, well it's Josh, he tends to wander around a lot anyway. Sound check is not for another 3 hours, I'm sure he'll turn up soon." Mike said.

"Yeah, that's true." I admitted.

Let's hope so.


	3. Chapter 3

So I want to give credit to my friend Brittney, for helping me with one of the ideas for this chapter and letting me use her name in the story. To all readers, review and share with others :)

* * *

(Josh)

I make my way to the corner store near the hotel to buy cigarettes. When I get out, I see a man standing near the door, with a bag in his hands. Drug dealer I guess? Whatever, I'm done with all that.

As I'm walking back to the hotel, I think more and more about the drugs that that guy was been selling, the drugs that I could have gotten a hold of if I'd wanted to.

Wait, what the fuck am I doing? Ugh, I gotta stop thinking like that! It's so tempting though…

"Oh my god, it's Josh RAMSAY!" Screams a girl from the corner store.

Fuck Josh, come on you gotta pull yourself together, you're a celebrity now, no time to fool around like when you were a kid.

I turn around to see a beautiful girl girl, probably in her 20s.

"Uhm, hey!" I say to her.

"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, it's really you! Can you sign this for me? Or can I get a picture with you or something? Unless your busy, if you are-" she says, while pulling out one of our CDs.

Holy shit, do people really carry around our CDs all the time like that? Who even uses CDs these days?

"Yeah yeah, it's fine, I'm not busy!" I interrupt, taking her CD. "Uhh, do you have a pen or something?"

"Oh, yes of course! Just let me find one… Here we go" she says.

"Okay. There." I say, giving her signed CD back. "So you wanted a picture too?"

"Yes, like I mean only if you're okay with it. Just let me get my camera." She says.

"Oh yeah, I'm fine with it!" I reassure her.

She takes out the camera, stands beside me and takes the picture.

"Thank you, SO much!" She says.

"Anytime, are you gonna be at the show tonight?" I ask.

"No, by the time I had money for tickets they were all sold out." She says.

"Oh, well here" I say, handing her tickets with backstage passes. "No need to buy tickets now! Get a friend to come and after the concert come see us!" I say.

"Thank you SO much Josh! I never expected to be getting free tickets and backstage passes from you for one of YOUR concerts." She says.

"Well, I guess sometimes things happen and you don't always expect it. By the way, I never caught your name." I say.

"It's Brittney! And I guess I'll see you later?" She says.

"Yes!" I say.

Good thing I wasn't high, or that wouldn't have gone well…

* * *

When I get back to the hotel I see that all the gear is already gone, except for mine. I check the time, wondering if I somehow missed soundcheck but I didn't. Where did everyone go?

I go to leave before seeing a note on a table near the door. It said "hey Josh, just in case you didn't get out texts, we left early for soundcheck since it's halfway across town and we decided we'd maybe go get a bite to eat. We're at the McDonalds right beside the venue. Come meet us when you're done whatever it was you were doing. -Mike, Ian and Matt

Ps: We left you some money for a cab, it should be right beside this note"

Since when do they leave without me? Oh wait, it said they texted me? I check my phone to see a missed call from Mike and texts from Ian and Matt. Oops. Oh well, let's go to… Ew, McDonalds? Worst food choice ever, even after purging it still doesn't get rid of all the calories from a meal there. Unless I tell them I ate already.

I walk out of the hotel room and hail a cab. When I get to McDonalds, I walk in to see the rest of the band just finishing up their meals.

"Hey Josh, you found us!" Ian says.

"Yeah, haha. They weren't lying when they said our hotel would be halfway across town from the concert, which is apparently a hard part of town to make your way around" I say.

While I was talking, I noticed that Matt kept avoiding my gaze. Good, because I don't really want to have to look at him more than I need to.

"So do you want to eat something? We still have time before we need to get to the show." Mike says.

"Oh no it's okay, I already ate." I say.

At that, Matt gave me a look. Dammit, he needs to stop being so sensitive with those things. He just doesn't understand. Whatever, I'll just ignore him as long as I'm able to.

"Alright, well we should probably get going. Brett keeps texting me, I think he's getting impatient" Ian says.

"Let's go then!" Mike says.

"Wait, Josh are you sure you don't want anything to eat?" Matt says.

Shut up Matt, you're ruining it!

"Oh yeah, I'm fine." I say.

He shoots me another look. Ugh, this guy thinks I'm having problems? He should see how he's been acting lately.

"Let's go, before Brett gets even more cranky" I say.

And at that, we all leave for the show and I didn't even have to throw up once


	4. Chapter 4

Hi again! So I'd just like to apologize for not updating as much as I should be. It's been a really busy summer for me. Anyway, I'll try to update more often! Hope you guys are enjoying the story!

* * *

(Josh)

After the concert, Brittney and her friend Krysta come and find us. After introducing them to the band, I notice that Matt's watching very carefully how I act around the girls. But honestly, I'm just happy he's not trying to get it on with them, since I actually really like these girls. Especially Brittney. For now though, I guess I'll just let it go.

"By the way guys, amazing concert!" Brittney says.

"Thanks!" Ian says.

"Of course! So Krysta do you need a ride or..?" Brittney says.

"Oh no, I'm fine. Matt offered to give me a ride home!" Krysta answers.

"Alright! Well hey, Josh do you want to go for a walk?" Brittney asks me.

"Yeah sure, as long as it's okay with Mike and Ian" I say, looking towards them.

"Sure man, we've got some Halo to catch up on anyway. You kids have fun now." Mike says with a wink.

* * *

(Matt)

Fucking Josh, all he's going to do is get himself hurt or into trouble with that girl! Josh is the more important one and not just to the fans! So he shouldn't be allowed hooking up with random girls like that! Oh fuck, I'm sounding like a hypocrite, aren't I? Whatever, I don't give a fuck. What I am worried about though is his eating habits. I think he's falling back into the dangerous ones.

"Well, we're here. Thanks again for the ride Matt!" Krysta says.

"Anytime! And... Uh... I was thinking… Could I come in for a bit?" I stammer.

"Oh, well I wasn't expecting any company, but I guess so..." Krysta says hesitantly.

Her apartment is really clean and modern, the kind you'd see in furniture store magazines.

"So would you like something to drink?" She says, grabbing two glasses from a cupboard.

"Hmm, maybe I would like a little something" I say coming up behind her, while putting my hands on her waist.

"What are you-" she starts while turning, before I start kissing her, hard, on the lips.

"What the fuck are you doing?" She says, pushing me away.

"I-I was just..." I stammer.

"No, you know what I know exactly what you were trying to do. Get the fuck out. NOW!" She says angrily.

Fine then, who needs someone like her anyway?

I walk out the door, only to see Josh and Brittney getting back from their walk.

"Hey man, you seem stressed, what happened?" Josh asks.

"Did something happen to Krysta?" Brittney asks.

"Yeah, DID something happen with Krysta?" Josh asks suspiciously.

"No no, it's fine, I was just leaving, nothing's wrong." I try to say convincingly.

Josh's blue eyes are boring a hole in my skull. Fuck, I'm in trouble.

"Are you sure? Krysta, are you there?" Brittney says while going up the stairs into the apartment.

"We need to have a talk." Josh says bluntly.

"Well I'm not sure now is the best time-" I start.

"NOW" Josh interrupts.

I'm screwed. Better play it cool though.

"What is there to talk about anyway?" I say, a little too casually.

If Josh doesn't shut the fuck up I'm going to say something we're both going to regret.

"You know damn well what there is to talk about. You're ruining everything." Josh says.

"Oh, so I'M the one ruining everything? I'm not the one 'going for a piss' right after every meal, or going out while the rest of the band eats and showing up after the meal. And I saw how relieved you were that you didn't have to eat anything at McDonalds. I know exactly what's going on with you. You might be fooling the others, but you're not fooling me." I say.

"Matt, how is what I'm doing affecting the band? This is a personal choice and it has nothing to do with you guys. But what you're doing is much worse. Like, what happens if you get a girl pregnant Matt? What happens if it's a fan and she goes public with it? Oh yeah, because that'll look GREAT on us. You need to understand what's acceptable and what's not, especially with all the fame we've been getting lately."

Fuck, he's got me there...

"You know what Josh, maybe I wouldn't be acting like this if I didn't have to worry about you all the fucking time. But you want me to stop? That's fine by me. Have fun starving yourself to death."

* * *

(Josh)

Shit, that was really harsh, I guess I never looked at things that way...

Wait, what the fuck am I thinking? Matt's not right, he has NO idea what I'm going through and either way, who needs someone like him trying to 'help'? All he's doing is causing trouble anyway!

"That's fine with me. I never asked for your sympathy. And I certainly don't need help. I've got it all under control." I reply, but Matt was already walking away.


	5. Chapter 5

Hey guys! So I'm not sure when's the next time that I'll be able to update, so I'm posting two chapters.

Ps: This chapter is during the walk that Brittney and Josh had gone on, and it ends part of the way through Josh and Matt's argument (which is continued in the previous chapter from Josh's point of view) partly because I wanted a filler chapter and partly because this will affect some future chapters. Anyway, I think that's enough from me for now, enjoy!

* * *

(Josh)

Brittney's suggestion for a walk was actually a great idea because it's a beautiful night.

"So, what's it like?" Brittney asks me.

"What do you mean?"

"You know, the whole being in a band thing. And the fame with it." She says, as if it were obvious.

"Oh, that. I'm grateful for all the fans and the support and everything of course. No one could ask for a better group of fans. And the other guys are great. Like sure, we have our tough moments and it's not the easiest to have our privacy but in the end, it's worth it." I admit. "The hardest part is being in the spotlight all the time and always having to do the right thing but I guess you get used to it."

"When I was younger I always wanted to be the singer in a band, but I was too shy." She says while blushing.

She's so adorable when she blushes.

"We had the same problem too at first with Matt. Our first show in Vancouver a little while after we formed the band he was too scared to step on stage, he ended up playing guitar and singing from backstage until the last few songs of our set!" I say with a laugh.

"Wow, he sounds worse than me!" She says, giggling.

"It was pretty bad! The crowd was extremely confused, considering no one had any idea who we were and they found it odd that there was a voice and an instrument being played and no one knew where!"

"I'm assuming he's better with that now though, right? Or should I be expecting to see a few concerts where he's hiding?" She asks jokingly.

"Oh yeah, he's long over that! If anything he's not shy enough these days! But I guess it's better than the latter."

"I'm thinking it is!"

Oh wow, I think I'm really starting to like her. This is the most comfortable I've felt around a girl since... Well since Amanda... But I really shouldn't get my hopes up. With my luck, something's bound to go wrong. I don't deserve someone like her anyway.

"So maybe we should get back? It's getting late."

"Sure! Oh, and about the band thing, if you wanted to I could arrange for you to come on stage and sing with me for a song or two at the next concert or something?" I suggest.

"Oh my gosh, I'd love that! Thanks Josh!"

"No problem!"

We continue talking all the way to the apartment. When we get there we hear someone yelling and then see Matt walking out looking annoyed.

"Hey man, you seem stressed, what happened?" I ask.

"Did something happen to Krysta?" Brittney asks.

Oh shit, he was alone with her all this time. What was I thinking? Ugh, he's like a child... Except for the whole sex part...

"Yeah, DID something happen with Krysta?" I ask.

"No no, it's fine, I was just leaving, nothing's wrong." He says.

Oh no, I know this tone of voice. Matt couldn't lie if his life depended on it. He's really got some explaining to do.

"Are you sure? Krysta, are you there?" Brittney says while going up the stairs into the apartment.

I guess this is my chance to confront him.

"We need to have a talk." I say.

"Well I'm not sure now is the best time-" He starts.

"NOW" I interrupt.

If he doesn't already know he's in trouble, he should now.

"What is there to talk about anyway?" He says way too casually.

"You know damn well what there is to talk about. You're ruining everything." I say.

"Oh, so I'M the one ruining everything?! I'm not the one 'going for a piss right after every meal, or going out while the rest of the band eats and showing up after the meal. And I saw how relieved you were that you didn't have to eat anything at McDonalds. I know exactly what's going on with you. You might be fooling the others, but you're not fooling me." He says.

What. The. Fuck.

"Matt, how is what I'm doing affecting the band?! This is a personal choice and it has nothing to do with you guys. But what you're doing is much worse. Like, what happens if you get a girl pregnant Matt?! What happens if it's a fan and she goes public with it?! Oh yeah, because that'll look GREAT on us. You need to understand what's acceptable and what's not, especially with all the fame we've been getting lately." I say, trying to keep calm.

"You know what Josh, maybe I wouldn't be acting like this if I didn't have to worry about you all the fucking time. But you want me to stop? That's fine by me. Have fun starving yourself to death."


	6. Chapter 6

This chapter may be short, but it's probably the most dramatic... So stay tuned ;)

* * *

(Matt)

Josh thinks he understands the whole situation, but he really has no idea. Sometimes I wonder how we became best friends in the first place, with him acting like this.

And what will we do for the next show? It's going to be so uncomfortable for me and Josh, not to mention Ian and Mike. Oh well, at least I don't ever have to see Brittney or Krysta again. No need to re-live that embarrassment.

Anyway, I have nowhere but the hotel to go and although I'm not exactly in the mood to talk to the band, I can't exactly go out to a bar because we have to leave early tomorrow. So, the hotel it is.

When I arrive, Mike and Ian are watching the soccer game.

"Hey Matt! Wanna come watch the game?" Mike asks.

"Nah, I think I'm gonna go to bed..." I say.

"What?! Are you sure? Italy is playing!" Ian says.

"It's okay. I'm really tired." I lie.

"Alright, have a good sleep then I guess." Mike says with a confused tone.

"Goodnight."

* * *

(Josh)

So Matt thinks I need help? He thinks I need someone to worry about me? I'll give him something to worry about.

I walk back to the corner store that I was at earlier to see that the shady man with the bag is still there.

"Hey, so uh what are you selling?" I ask.

"Who's asking?" He says suspiciously.

"Someone who's interested in buying." I say.

There's no going back now.

"Alright, it's 40 a hypo* or 120 for five." He says.

"I'll take one then."

"You sure you don't want five?" He asks.

"I'm sure." I say, giving him the money.

"Alright, here you go." He says handing me the needle. "Have fun."

Now where am I gonna go to use this? I can't go back to the hotel because the other guys would kill me and I don't want to have to deal with all that. I guess I could just find a random alleyway to do it in. It's better than nothing.

* * *

I wake up in an alleyway. It's daylight and I'm covered in blood.

Blood? What's going on now? And why can't I remember a thing?

I look around and see a broken needle on the ground and realize that it's a heroin needle. Could it be mine?

I try to get up, but I feel a sharp pain in my leg. I look and see scrapes all along both of my legs and a massive bruise but still nothing bad enough to cause that much blood. I look at my arms and see long cuts along both of my wrists, but nothing precise enough to have been caused by myself.

It all takes a moment to actually sink in and then it hits me; I was jumped.

* * *

_*Hypo is slang used typically by heroin addicts to describe a needle used for intravenous injection. Source: Urban Dictionary._


	7. Chapter 7

Hey guys! So I'm not sure how often I'll be posting now that the new school year is rolling around but I'll do my best! (Maybe even writing in class when we aren't really busy?) Anyway, I added a new point of view at some point during the story, so i guess we'll see how that works out! Enjoy!

* * *

(Matt)

"Where the fuck is Josh? He should have been here hours ago!" Ian says.

"Well who was the last person to see him?" Mike says.

Always gotta be the voice of reason, don't you mike?

"Last I checked he was with Brittney." I say.

"Alright, well he did this yesterday too. He's bound to show up soon." Mike says.

"Right. Well we better pack up so that we're ready to go when he shows up." Ian says.

An hour before we have to leave, he still hasn't shown up.

"Should we go look for him? Maybe he's hurt or something." Ian says worriedly.

Everyone's really starting to bug me. Of course Josh is okay. And even if he weren't, he seems to think he can handle himself pretty well on his own, so why not let him?

"Why don't we take a drive and see if we can find him then?" Mike suggests. "He probably just lost track of time."

"I'm in." Ian agrees.

"Maybe I should stay here then? Just in case he shows up while you guys are gone?" I say.

"Good idea. Come on Ian, we better get going!"

"Alright. Text us if he shows up or if you have any ideas as to where he might be." Ian says

"You got it!"

"I'll drive." Mike says, grabbing his keys.

* * *

(Josh)

Shit, how did this happen? And why the fuck can't I remember anything? The heroin needle is empty, but it's also broken and it looks like it was still full when it broke so clearly I didn't take it. Was I going to? I thought I'd decided not to take that road anymore, to let my music take over instead of the drugs. What could I have been thinking?

And in a dark alleyway of all places? Was I that desperate?

I slowly try to get up again, more carefully than the last time but I still can't put any pressure on my left leg. It's probably broken or something. Great, we have a show tonight and that will never work.

Wait, we're leaving today. Shit! I hope the guys didn't leave without me!

No, I don't think they would.

Still, me and Matt aren't on the best terms right now, he could still be mad at me and I don't blame him. But what if he figured I left without them and they left me here?

Hmm... Could I call someone? Hopefully my phone didn't get smashed.

I find my phone in my coat pocket with some cracks, but still working.

8 missed calls and 5 texts? I guess the guys did realize I was missing. 4 of the texts from the band and brett and one from Brittney.

Brittney: Hi Josh, I'm really sorry but I don't know that we should really see each other anymore. Best of luck with everything.

"FUCK" I scream, out of anger.

If Matt thought I was mad at him before...

After a few minutes of trying to regain my calm, I look at my phone again in the hopes of calling any of the guys.

I double check my phone's battery and it says 'Battery too low for radio use'. Fuck, definitely the worst part about owning a Blackberry. I guess I'll just have to wait and see if someone comes looking for me and happens to find me.

I look at the rest of the texts and see that the boys did realize that I'm missing.

I hope I get out of here soon...

* * *

(Ian)

"I have no idea where he could be! If he's not at Brittney's, I have no idea where else he would go..." I say

"Corner store maybe? He could have been buying cigarettes at one point and gotten sidetracked?" Mike says.

"Maybe. Why don't we ask this guy?" I say, walking towards a man standing in front of the store.

"Hey, have you seen a man walk by here within the past few hours? About 6" 5', short black hair with silver in it?" Mike asks.

"I see a lot of people around here. Hard to remember them all without a good reason to." The man says.

"Maybe this will help you remember?" Mike says, handing him a 10 dollar bill.

Wait... Is this guy a drug dealer? Shit, this can't be good.

"Hm, perhaps I have seen him around. He came around here late last night and I haven't seen him return the same way since."

"Alright, well that might help... Thanks." Mike says.

As we're walking away, a thought pops into my head.

"Since when do you know how to bargain with drug dealers?" I ask Mike.

"Look Ian, it's a long story and I really don't want to talk about it right now. We have to focus on Josh, or did you forget?" Mike says defensively.

Why is Mike being so bitchy? He's never like this? He must be hiding something from the band and I'm determined to find it out.

"Yeah, let's go."

We decide to walk around the neighbourhood instead of driving in hopes of having an easier time finding him. After a few minutes of walking along the street that the store was on, we pass a dark alleyway. It's hard to tell, but it seems like there's a figure crouched down in it. I start slowly walking towards the person, my curiosity slowly taking over before Mike grabs my arm, stopping me.

"What are you doing? This is how people get robbed or even killed you know!" Mike whispers angrily.

"This guy doesn't look like he's in any state to rob someone, let alone commit murder. Besides, I just wanted to look. What if this person could tell us where Josh went?" I say to Mike, my attention drifting back to the figure just a little ways in front of us.

Screw Mike, if he doesn't want to help this guy, I will.

"Ian, why don't we just keep walking? I highly doubt Josh would be anywhere too near this pla - hey, wait! Ian! What are you doing?!" Mike says while I reach the guy in the alley, but I'm not listening to him. I'm too busy taking in the scene before me.

Even in the dim light I can see that the man and the ground around him is almost completely covered in blood that's mostly dried. His body is supported by the wall. One of his legs is twisted into an unnatural position - probably broken - and is immensely bruised. His hands are clutching a broken blackberry and beside him I see a broken needle. I see a faint rise and fall from his chest that tells me he's breathing. I carefully lift up his head to look at his face and see the familiar black and silver hair.

"Ian, get over here! What are you doing?" He yells over to me.

"Mike, it's Josh!" I yell back.

He runs over and inspects the situation just as I had. I see his eyes drift over to the broken needle.

"Ian, look at that!" He says.

"Yeah, it's a broken needle. This is also an alley though, I didn't think much of it." I say with a tone of confusion.

"Did you forget that Josh used to be a drug addict? This can't be good..." Mike says, shaking his head. "Hey Josh, wake up bud."

"Mike..?" Josh says drowsily.

"Yeah, it's me. Come on, let's get you out of here." Mike says softly.

I decide to call Matt to let him know that we found Josh.

"Hello?" He says.

"Hey, it's me." I say.

"Oh hey, you guys find out anything?"

"We found him."

"Oh... Where was he?"

"Passed out in an alleyway. We're not sure what happened or anything but it doesn't look good. There was a lot of blood. And..." I break off.

"And what?"

"There was a broken needle beside him."

I hear him take a deep breath.

"Shit. That's really not good. Are you guys taking him to the hospital?"

"Probably. Mike is talking to him right now. I should probably get going."

"Yeah, alright. Bye."

"Bye."


	8. Chapter 8

Hello everyone! Sorry it's taken me so long to update, I've just been really overwhelmed with school starting and everything and haven't had much time to write much less post a new chapter. Anyway, I found the time so here it is! Also, I'd just like to give credit to my friend Emma, xXshatteredporcelainXx for helping me with a few things in the chapter. Anyway, I'll let you guys get to your reading now!

* * *

(Matt)

"I'm sorry doctor, but we have a show to play tonight. Is there anything we can do so that he can leave now?" Mike asks.

"I'm afraid not. With his leg the way it is and all the blood he's lost, he'll be lucky if he gets out by the end of the week, let alone play a concert." The Doctor replies.

Not being able to stand dreary hospital rooms, I make my way outside for some fresh air and to think. I see a bench near the door and sit on it. As the smell of bleach and elderly people starts to fade, my head clears a little bit, but not enough to completely erase all the thoughts that have been haunting me for the last little while.

Josh. Heroin. The fight. His lack of food.

I've avoided talking to him since the fight, even after we found him, which isn't actually that hard because he hasn't asked for me once.

I hear the noise of a door opening behind me, but decide not to move. Whoever it is probably won't bother me.

To my surprise, it was Mike who came and sat beside me.

"You okay Matt?" He asks.

"Yeah, I guess." I say, looking up at Mike and realising for the first time that I had my head in my hands. "Did he actually relapse?"

"I don't know. Josh is having trouble remembering some of the things that happened, but the doctor said he had no drugs in his system when we brought him. Still, it's hard to say. He WAS jumped, so you never know who that belonged to." He says.

"Shit..." I mutter, looking at the ground.

"No need to feel guilty, none of it is your fault, or any of our faults for that matter. There was nothing you could have done." Mike says sympathetically.

If only he knew...

"So what happens if he did relapse? Or if he was planning to?" I ask with a sigh.

"It's hard to say. Until we figure out what happened there's nothing we can do. There's still a chance he didn't do it and wasn't even planning to. I think we all need to keep that in mind and just hope for the best." He says.

"I guess..." I say.

"Why don't you try talking to him? It would probably do you some good." Mike suggests.

"No, that's okay. I think I'll just stay here for a bit." I say, looking up at him.

"Alright, your call. Anyway, I'm gonna go get some food in the caf. You want anything?" He asks.

"Nah man, I'm good. Thanks." I say.

"No problem. See you later."

I wait until I hear his footsteps disappear and then put my head in my hands again with a deep sigh.

Mike has no idea what he's talking about. Josh was probably thinking about relapsing even before the fight and that probably threw him over the edge.

I think I should just go for a walk, before these thoughts get even worse.

I start walking away from the hospital, and after a few streets I see a cute little diner which makes me realize that I haven't eaten anything all day. I go inside and there is 80s decor all over and even the waitresses are dressed in 80s clothes. I decide to go sit down at a booth in one of the far corners. After a few seconds, a waitress comes to my table.

"Hi there, I'm going to be your server for today. Would you like to get started with a drink?" She asks enthusiastically.

"I'll just have water please." I say without looking at her.

After she leaves, I realize that her voice sounded familiar, but I can't completely place it.

When she comes back, I look up at her face and I see her eyes widen in shock.

"Matt?"

"Brittney?"

"Uh hi, I didn't realize that was you..." She says awkwardly.

"Yeah, me neither..." I say with the same amount of awkwardness.

"So... How's Josh doing?" She asks shyly.

"Pretty bad, but he'll be okay." I say.

"He was that hurt?" She asks, suddenly taken aback.

"Well no shit, he was jumped! What do you expect?!" I say, my anger starting to boil over.

"Wait... What do you mean, jumped?"

"You didn't hear? He was jumped in an alleyway downtown last night. Got pretty banged up." I say, calming down.

"Oh no, this is all my fault..." She says, her eyes tearing up.

"What do you mean, your fault?" I ask.

"Ahem, would you like to take your lunch break now, Brittney?" A man says from near the kitchen door.

I look around at the restaurant for the second time since I've been in it and realize that everyone is staring at us.

"Oh... Uh yes please." She says to the man. "Come on, let's go outside."

We go out the back door to the parking lot and then Brittney closes the door behind her and turns to me.

"Sorry about that, my manager's kind of..." She begins

"Yeah, whatever, it's okay." I interrupt. "But what did you mean about it being your fault?"

"I... I texted Josh this morning telling him I couldn't see him anymore." She says, looking at the ground.

"Why would you do that? Did your guys' walk not go well or something?" I ask, while trying to think of what could have happened last night.

"No, it was fine, it's just... Never mind, it's okay, just leave it." She says and starts slowly walking away. "I should probably be getting back to work now-"

"Wait," I say, my mind finally starting to work properly for the first time since Josh ended up in the hospital, "It's because of me, isn't it? Because of what happened with Krysta?"

"Yes, it is." She says, taking a deep breath. "I was in a relationship before that went south and Krysta was there to watch the whole thing. She said that the same thing was probably going to happen again this time and that if I dated him s-she didn't want me living in the apartment anymore. I doubt she'd actually kick me out but I don't wanna risk our friendship on something like that for a guy I really don't know..." She says

"Fuck," I mutter. "We'll figure this out okay?" I say a little louder. "No, actually, I'll figure this out. It's my mess; I should be the one to clean it up."

"Well what can you do? With Josh the damage is already done, it's not like we can do anything about him getting jumped. And I don't think Krysta would take to well to seeing you again, honestly..." She says.

"Like I said, I'll figure it out and I'll let you know what happens. Alright?" I say.

"Alright. Oh and Matt?"

"Yes?" I say, confused.

"Thanks." She says.

"Oh... Uh, you're welcome." I say, my awkwardness starting to come back.

"Anyway, like I said before, I should probably be getting back now."

"Okay. Bye Brittney."

"See you later Matt."

Fuck, life's too complicated for all this.


End file.
